


they come out at night

by spacemanrhys



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: (Colin is only being homophobic for food but it could be triggering), Alcohol, Drunken Kissing, Fluff, Homophobic Language, I mean I headcanon them all as trans except Colin, M/M, Plus a teeny bit of fake dating!, Pride Parades, Trans Laszlo Cravensworth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 00:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30030516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacemanrhys/pseuds/spacemanrhys
Summary: Guillermo takes the vampires to a pride parade.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	they come out at night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SunboyApollo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunboyApollo/gifts).



“Gizmo, how does this look?”

Guillermo looked up to see Laszlo standing at the top of the stairs wearing a leather chest harness and only that.   
“It looks… Ah...” Guillermo hesitated, reluctant to tell him the truth. Nadja thankfully brushed past Laszlo in a long dress with a gradient of pink, purple, and blue spanning down it. She had a high feathered collar, and through a slit in the dress Guillermo could see she was wearing garters too. Nadja barely glanced at her husband before waving dismissively “It looks like shit, darling, wear something proper.”  
“Yes, my darling.” Laszlo grumbled, glaring at Guillermo as he trudged away.   
Guillermo walked over to the living room, raising his hands in the air and clapping twice. “Okay, Colin, Master, how are you guys doing?”

He paused at the scene he walked in on; Colin in a Westboro Baptist Church t-shirt and jeans holding a sign saying “GOD HATES GAYS!”  
Nandor was mid-hiss, his eyes already bleeding a little. Guillermo sighed.  
“Colin, where did you even get that shirt? That church is in Kansas.”  
Colin gave him a sly smile. “I travel a lot. Not that any of you ever notice. Kansas actually has some of the most repressed people in the nation, at least-” He barked out a small laugh and nudged Nandor “-aside from in this house.”

Guillermo glared at Colin, remembering a seminar he’d been to on ‘power posing,’ and putting his hands on his hips. “You are not wearing that.”  
Colin chuckled “I fail to see how you would stop me.”  
Nandor rushed forward, body blocking Guillermo. “He won’t even get the chance, I will bleed you like a pig, Colin Robinson! Take that ridiculous outfit off, it’s ruining my makeup!” 

Nandor was loud but his tone was whiny rather than commanding. Guillermo simply rolled his eyes and tugged at Nandor’s sleeve. “Master, just leave him. It’s not worth it. Come on, the ferry leaves in twenty minutes, and Laszlo still isn’t dressed.”

The vampire waved dismissively “We have no need for the ferry, Guillermo, we are vampires! We can just fly!”

Guillermo’s brow creased. “What about me, Master?”

“Oh. Eh, I can fly you there.”

The human paused. Nandor had let him fly before, but it was always a special treat, a favour, a boon. He’d never offered it before. 

And Nandor was… His outfit was… A crop top with vampire fangs on it and leather pants. His arms were bare, and the idea of having them wrapped firmly around him without the usual layers Nandor always donned...

His face heated up at the thought.

“Thank you, Master.” He said quietly, expression carefully blank, “I ah… have to go and check on Laszlo and Nadja now.” He quickly walked away, instead heading straight to his room and screaming into his pillow. 

It wasn’t just Nandor’s outfit. It was the leather jacket with the black fishnet shirt underneath, the carefully coiffed hair, the ripped jeans with hand painted vampire bites on the knees that Guillermo was wearing. 

They matched. They matched outfits.

He looked up upon hearing the cameraman clearing his throat. He smiled sheepishly. “Uh, you’ll cut that out, right?”

The cameraman shrugged mischievously. Guillermo sighed, giving the camera a long-suffering look before straightening himself up and heading back out to _actually_ check on the other vampires. 

He made his way up the stairs, the cameraman heading to the living room where Nandor and Colin were once again fighting over religious imagery. 

“Nadja? Laszlo? Are you guys ready?” 

The door of the couple’s room burst open and Laszlo swaggered out in a half-buttoned yellow hawaiian shirt, an unreasonable amount of funky sunglasses, with a cheap pink feather boa strewn around his neck. Under the boa was a red cravat, matching the dark red cowboy boots he was also wearing. 

And, Guillermo noted with growing dread, he was wearing… booty shorts. Laszlo stood as proud as he normally did. “See something you like?” He asked, turning around to give Guillermo a view of the back of his shorts. 

They read “Property of Nadja.” 

Nadja finally walked out beside him, lips pursed as though barely tolerating what her husband had done to himself. She’d made one singular change to her own outfit; A tiny acrylic pin on her left breast that said “Laszlo.”

Guillermo tilted his head at her, fighting a smug smile off of his face. “I thought you two always matched outfits?”

Nadja folded her arms “I am not matching with that. He looks like a fucking carnival threw up on him.”  
Laszlo lost absolutely none of his confidence, simply smiling and taking Nadja’s hand in his own as they made their way downstairs. 

Guillermo followed them obediently, careful not to tread on the train of Nadja’s dress.   
It was just as the three of them reached the living room that Nandor stumbled out, instantly throwing himself at Guillermo, struggling to even keep himself upright.  
Guillermo immediately panicked, automatically on edge. Had the Vampiric Council attacked? Did they somehow know Guillermo had been planning a night out with the vampires, and chose the right time to strike? Guillermo patted Nandor’s cheek, “Master! Master, what happened?”  
“Guillermo… It was terrible… Guillermo, he was doing the singing of the Jeebus music and then he wouldn’t shut up about Jeebus being real.”

Guillermo looked at the camera once again. Nandor pathetically muttered, “My ears, they are bleeding. I wish I could die all over again.”

Laszlo slapped Nandor on the back. “I say, old chap, at any point tonight are you going to stop slobbering all over your familiar like some sort of werewolf and let him help my good lady wife with her dress?”

Nandor let out an affronted gasp and quickly stood up, though he still swayed a little. Guillermo, however, was once again affected by Nandor’s unintentional advances. It took Laszlo snapping his fingers right in front of Guillermo’s face for him to snap out of it. “We haven’t got all night, breather, and if that dress gets so much as a tear it’ll be curtains for you!” 

Guillermo wished, really wished, that this would be the only time tonight that a grown man in booty shorts threatened him.

The group made their ways outside; First Laszlo and Nadja with Guillermo tailing them, assisting with Nadja’s dress, then Nandor stumbling behind followed by a deeply smug Colin Robinson. 

With his trademark yell of “Bat!” Laszlo took off, Nadja following swiftly behind. Colin tipped his fedora at Nandor whilst wiggling his eyebrows, “Alright, be safe, you two.” 

“Yes, very kind of you, Colin Robinson. I hope you get hit by a car.”   
Nandor didn’t hesitate before wrapping his muscular arms around Guillermo’s midriff and taking off. They flew low at first, as Nandor recovered from Colin’s assault, yet still high enough that Guillermo felt like he could see all of Staten Island. 

He was acutely aware of Nandor’s bare stomach against his back. He was not, however, aware of how tightly he was clutching at Nandor’s arms until Nandor spoke up about it.  
“Fuck’s sake, Guillermo, I am not going to do the dropping again! That was like one time!”

“Yeah, I- Nandor, I was hospitalised for weeks-”

“Oh, this shit again. I drop you one time and suddenly it’s all ‘when are you going to pay my medical bills?’”

Guillermo folded his arms petulantly. “I’m still in debt.”

“I said I was sorry! Look, would you like me to drop you again?”

Guillermo gripped him tighter.

“That’s what I thought.”

They flew the rest of the way in silence, though it didn’t dampen Guillermo’s experience of flying above the city in the arms of the man he loved.

When they arrived in the Lower East side, Nandor set Guillermo down gently on the sidewalk and then floated down himself. Guillermo whipped out his phone to text Nadja and ask where they both were. 

As Guillermo texted, Nandor looked around for any sign of the couple. He tugged on Guillermo’s sleeve.  
“What?” Guillermo asked, not looking up.

“Guillermo, they’re wearing the glitter. It caught on!”

“What caught on, Master?” He finally looked up and saw where Nandor was pointing. 

It was a group of teens wearing various colours of body glitter. Clearly they were headed for the pride parade too. 

“My glitter! All of the cool kids are wearing it, like in Twilight.” 

Guillermo considered correcting him, but the smile on Nandor’s face quickly dissuaded that thought.

The familiar’s phone pinged and somehow in the second it took to read the text from Nadja, Nandor disappeared.

Guillermo once again felt a wave of panic wash over him. He should put a child leash on Nandor at this rate. His Master wandering off in such a big city, especially one with so many unseen risks, was a major safety hazard- 

And then he heard Nandor’s voice over the crowd.

“Guillermo!”   
As his familiar moved across the street, Nandor waved his hands disdainfully in a teen’s face.   
“Guillermo, rid me of this glittery awkward human. They called me a jeency! I do not know what that is but I don’t appreciate it!”  
Guillermo squinted at the teen. The teen shrugged helplessly, “I said he looked GNC.”

“You hear that? This is the kind of shit I have to put up with from you!” Nandor screeched, gesturing wildly at the teen.   
Guillermo rolled his eyes affectionately, “It’s a compliment, Master. It means you look… good.”

“Oh.” The vampire pulled the face he always made when he was embarrassed. He looked like a guilty puppy. Guillermo’s heart did flips. Nandor composed himself and then looked intensely at the teen, stretching his arm out in front of their face. “You will remember none of this.”

The teen blinked, and then started laughing, as did their friends. Nandor paused, then puffed his chest out and barked “You impudent children! Back in my country I would have put your heads on spikes for your insolence!”

The teens only laughed harder.

Nandor stomped his foot and pointed at them, finally looking at Guillermo. “Guillermo, stab them! Stab them for disrespecting me!”

Guillermo grabbed Nandor’s arm and laughed nervously at the teens. “Can’t take this one anywhere! He’s such a… such a drama queen. You guys enjoy your night!” 

Nandor was surprisingly docile, allowing Guillermo to lead him away, although he did hiss a few things about Guillermo disobeying him on the way.

They turned a corner and bumped right into Laszlo and Nadja. Nadja waved her phone in Guillermo’s face. “You stupid bloody human, you didn’t answer me! We thought you were dead!”  
“Hoped,” Laszlo added, earning a smack on the back of his head from Nadja. He then pointed behind him, where large groups of people were donning pride flags and neon sunglasses and the glitter Nandor was so fond of. “We found the fucking festival while you two were conducting your own little ‘fucking festival’ back there!”

Guillermo’s heart stopped. He looked to Nandor for his reaction, only to see Nandor staring back at him with an unreadable expression.  
He fidgeted under the attention and looked away again, pushing past Laszlo and Nadja. Laszlo snickers, “Look, darling, he’s all embarrassed.”  
Guillermo didn’t look back but Laszlo made a winded ‘oof!’ and suddenly Nandor was at Guillermo’s side again. “Ignore him. He has the worms for brains.” Nandor spoke just barely loud enough that Guillermo could hear.

Guillermo gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Master. Shall we?”   
He holds his arm out, gesturing Nandor into the parade. Nandor stared at him.   
“Shall we what?”  
“I-” Guillermo threw his hands up in the air and simply moved into the parade, nestling himself between two friendly looking bears. One of them offered him a small bear pride flag. He graciously accepted, eyeing the pawprint and assuming it was some kind of animal rights flag. 

He looked around, trying to spot the vampires, and Nadja was on the sidewalk with a group of teens following her like ducklings. They were all talking at her, clinging to her, and Guillermo swore she smiled as she picked one up and hugged them. 

He hoped for his own sake that she couldn’t persuade Laszlo to adopt them.

The parade marched on and Guillermo found himself making conversation with a kind nonbinary lesbian couple who offered a rainbow lei for him to put around his neck. He accepted this too, planning to hang it on the wall of his room when he got back home, as a souvenir.

When he looked around again, the vampires were nowhere to be seen.

Except Colin Robinson.

Colin, who now had a following of his own, was standing on the sidewalk next to the parade with a megaphone. He clicked it a few times, seemingly not even planning to talk, only to hear the feedback. “Testing, testing, one two three! Is this thing on? Is it on? No, seriously, you need to tell me if it’s on, I can’t- My hearing ain’t what it used to be! Homosexuals, is it on?!”

One person called out an irritated “Yes!” from the midst of the crowd. Guillermo pinched the bridge of his nose as he saw Colin Robinson’s eyes literally light up. 

Guillermo de la Cruz needed a fucking drink. There were a dime a dozen bars still open, so he peeled away from the crowd to find something more his… _style_.

He only walked about a minute or two before stumbling upon a suitable gay bar. It looked sort of old-timey, like the house they lived in. When he walked in, he saw that it seemed to be mainly populated by older gays. There, sitting at the bar nursing a glass of ice, was Laszlo. How did Laszlo get there before him? He had no idea. 

Guillermo peered desperately around the room to find literally the furthest spot from Laszlo. He sat himself comfortably in a booth in the corner. He even went to the trouble of propping up a drinks menu to hide his face. It was no use. When he thought he was safe and put the menu   
down, Laszlo was sitting across from him. 

“What’s say you and me have a drink, me old boy?”  
“No thank you.” Guillermo propped the menu up again. He heard Laszlo snap his fingers, and the menu went flying across the bar, hitting one of the patrons in the head. When the man cried out in pain, Laszlo only turned and yelled “Shut up!” before focusing his attention back on Guillermo.

“So,” he waggled his eyebrows “Ever had tequila and vodka shots… _at the same time?_ ”  
He waggled his eyebrows once again.   
Guillermo sighed, knowing he wasn’t getting out of this. He got up to go to the bar and order tequila and vodka shots for two. 

When he got back, Laszlo was painting his nails the colours of the trans flag. “Sorry, old chum,” he spoke, “I neglected to mention that I cannot partake in the human spirits. Still though!” He raised his glass of ice, “Bottoms up!”

Guillermo raised an eyebrow. “You’re awfully bubbly today.”  
“I am… terribly drunk. I’m on the drug blood, boy! Nothing quite like it!”  
The familiar resigns to his fate and, when the shots arrive, he wastes no time in downing them one after one. Laszlo sits across from him, laughing and clapping like a seal the entire time, calling out “Shots! Shots! Shots!” and generally being far too loud.

Guillermo stumbles out of the bar half an hour later absolutely shitfaced, leaning on Laszlo for support. His subconscious urges him to find Nandor, luckily he doesn’t have to look far; One of the parade floats is rolling by with a tall drunk vampire standing on top of it. They spot each other at the exact same time, Nandor grinning and pointing at his familiar.

“Guillermo! There you are! You’ve got to come up here, it’s cra-” he loses his balance and tumbles off the float. He falls gracelessly and face first. but Guillermo dashes for him and just barely manages to catch Nandor in his arms.

Nandor groans and reaches up, caressing his familiar’s cheek. “Guillermo… I was looking all over for you.”  
“You’re pretty.” It tumbles out of his mouth before Guillermo can catch himself, but the shy smile Nandor gives him is well worth it. “Thank you, Guillermo. You are not so bad yourself! Wink!”

Laszlo makes a gagging noise from behind them, but it’s interrupted by awws from the crowd   
surrounding them. A friendly twink pats Guillermo’s shoulder. 

“You two are such a cute couple! How long have you been together?”  
Guillermo opens his mouth to correct him, when Nandor gleefully interrupts, “Ten years!”  
The awws intensify. Guillermo ducks his head bashfully and is almost nose-to-nose with Nandor. Nandor has that same unreadable expression as before.

The twink claps his hands, “Soooo cute!” he nudges Guillermo, “Have you popped the question yet?”  
Nandor once again interrupts Guillermo, “So many times, this fucking guy! I tell him noooo, not yet, I’m not ready, but he just keeps asking and asking and I say noooo-”

Guillermo wants Nandor to shut up in that moment, and without even thinking he seals his lips over Nandor’s.

The crowd erupts into cheers. Guillermo blocks them out completely, because Nandor is kissing him back, and Nandor’s strong arms wrap around his neck.

The night is a blur after that. Laszlo and Nadja get into an argument about something petty, Colin Robinson gets run over by the Down With Cis bus, and Guillermo has a couple more shots.

The only thing he remembers before passing out in his bed is the feel of Nandor smiling against his neck, the vampire’s hair tickling him, as they flew back to Staten Island together.

**Author's Note:**

> homophobe colin robinson rights!
> 
> anyway stan laszlo cravensworth for clear skin, shoutout to Olivewrites for basically beta'ing this as I wrote it on call with them and uhhhh catch me on twitter at @spacemanrhys !


End file.
